November 3, 2010

J-Bird gets a blog.

I moved 2,500 miles away from where I've lived my whole life six months ago. I put my dog and my ceramic Christmas tree with the little plastic lights in the car and drove west. I came here to be with my family, to get away from all of the relationships I've ever screwed up, make a name for myself somewhere that nobody knew somebody that knew me back when.

I came to Utah because you can actually afford to rent an apartment here.

I came to Utah and I live in my parent's basement. Because I came to Utah when unemployment was at it's highest. I came with a skill set that is becoming obsolete. Did I mention the house I own back in Maryland that's so far underwater you need to have SCUBA gear to get in the front door? Did I mention that I've had two good offers on it that the bank has turned down?

I'm also overweight. I know, I know. I'm beautiful. So are you. If there's anything RuPaul has taught us, it's that. I'm single, too. Did I tell you that I'm single? And unemployed. And I live in my parent's basement. Wait! Where are you going? Come back!

I came to Utah so that in ten years when I look back on the year I turned thirty, I can say that even though my life was a big pile of poo, I didn't just sit in it and look confused. That's right. I ran. I ran from it!

I also ran away from the best friends a girl could ever hope to make. A few of them call me J-Bird. I always wanted a nickname, and it took me a long time to realize that I'd been given one.

In the grand scheme of "this blog is about" scenarios, this blog is about not disappearing. It's about looking for silver linings in an open forum where maybe I can connect with someone else that's looking for the same thing. Because I read a lot of blogs that belong to women in similar situations who I can relate to, but nobody is in the same situation as me, and there have to be other J-Birds out there.

This is for all of us who aren't where we thought we'd be when we turned thirty. For all of us who could write a best-selling comedy novel about our online dating experiences. Everyone that needs to lose some weight. Every person that wants to be accepted and just can't think of anything to say until the conversation is over.

Welcome to your virtual coffee house. I'll make sure all of the baristas are cute and always remember how you like your drink. Also you can have some bourbon with that. Because that's how I roll.